The captain touched his swagger stick
Up to his golden eye,
And boogied through the vestibule
While bidding us goodbye.
"The enemy surrounds us,
And our spirit's almost gone.
The devil take the cavalry
That sold us for a song."
"There's chi-chi's on the starboard, lads,
And chi-chi's in the stern
And hashish in the hookah pipe
And bonny grass to burn.
Our mission is a secret
We're fool enough to try.
And we'll sail the bloody ocean, boys
Or drink the bastard dry."
"If I'd have been a carpenter,"
The swarthy sargeant said,
"I'd never seen this ugly thing
That hangs above my head.
To hell with all your heroes,
And the wounds they hope to show.
I'm just a simple soldier, son,
With one more year to go."
The albatross was tiring,
And the cook was in a stew.
The filthy little cabin boy
Was whizzing in my shoe.
The captain's wife was aging,
And the first mate heard her scream
When Tommy slipped Tabasco in
The captain's vaseline.
"Our time will soon be gone," he said
"It's all we've left to lose.
We've shot our ammunition,
And we're all but out of booze.
So here's to Irma Donnegal,
Here's to Nellie Blye,
And here's to my old friend" he said,
And kissed his ass goodbye.
"Give off, give off, you sorry lot.
Give Off!" the captain cried.
"We've lost our bloody anchor
And we're drifting with the tide.
The swollen surf is pounding like
A thousand cannon's roar.
And I shake the hand of any man
Who guides us into shore."
"We're saved! We're saved!" the soldiers said,
"We're saved!" the sailors cried.
And soldiers climbed aboard
While sailors leapt from either side.
Some swabbies hit the minefield,
And the rifles got the rest.
And somewhere there's a schooner
Sinking slowly in the west.
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