In a white enamel room
They pulled him from his mothers womb
Hanging from his heels he cried
And everyone put on their smiles
Ugly, red and drippin wet
They put him in a bassinette
Tiny toes and fingernails
Daddy said he'll go to Yale
Such was the first day for Fred
When he reached the age of nine
He killed a frog with a kitchen knife
He broke the wing of a nobel bird
With a jagged rock his slingshot hurled
When he reached the age of ten,
He stole the neighbor's guinea hen
He wrapped its beak in masking tape
It starved to death in thirteen days
Such was the tenth year for Fred
When Fred was sweet sixteen
He robbed the neighborhood Dairy Queen
He drove away in his Daddy's car
He didn't get far
The local fuzz hauled him away
He went to trial the very next day
Found guilty the sixteenth year for Fred
And his daddy cried.
Oh, Fred, Fred, where'd we go wrong?
We used to buy you things
I thought we got along
Oh Fred, Fred, you're living a life of sin
Tell me Fred, what we gonna tell our friends?
When Fred was twenty-one
He was brought to bear for things to come,
He'd learned to kill, hate and steal
Now Uncle Sam offered Fred a deal
We need good men, like you my boy
To throw grenades and bang young boys
It takes agression and a will of steel
And mainly, we got a quota to fill
And off to fight, went Soldier Fred
When Fred was thirty-two
He was covered with medals all red and blue
He'd killed twelve men in eleven years
Well never once did he shed a tear
Now Fred was a coming home
Discharged with a broken bone
Climbed aboard his plane at nine
And roared off into the clear blue sky
And that's where planes always fly
Fred found a seat in row number two
Sat himself down and loosened his boots
Along came a problem with long short hair
And said "Hey man, you're setting in my chair."
Fred got up and hit the poor man
Forgot about the cast he had on his hand
He killed him dead in one clean blow
It didn't bother Fred too much though.
Such was homecoming for Fred
And his Daddy cried
Oh Fred, Fred, where'd we go wrong?
We used to buy you things
I thought we got along
Oh Fred, Fred, you've done it again
Tell me Fred, what we gonna tell our friends?
More Fred
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Rating: 2.83, 18 votes
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